And yet again..

It always happen.. Stuck in the middle again. Maybe I'm just finding excuses to cover up for what I really felt, but part of it is that I'm in the middle again..

Just now I was so damn f-ed up.. Well, my first ball sucks, my second ball also sucks, and well, if my first and second balls suck, what do you think of my 'spike'? Lols. And I didn't manage to let go again.. Was not focused at all in the court just now, looking at the others and Sec 1s running.. And Allisa was running on her own.. And I was thinking, I want to run with her. At that moment, I don't even care sweating it out, and stink when I get home, I just wanted to run with them.. Got super attitude.. Oh god. I failed.

Don't support me anymore.. I would only disappoint you guys.. I want my life before 020108 back! Anyone can take my place.. I don't know what I'm doing.. Wasting space in the court.. Wasting air in the court.. Seriously got attitude problem.. To the main team, saying sorry can't help.. I promised.. I don't know.. Seriously don't know why I'm with you all in the first place.. Just a replacement.. And can be replaced at any moment.. Oh god I'm lousy.. No sportsmanship.. Can't focus..

And yet again, I couldn't control it.. I owe you guys $6..

Even though in 10 more days.. I'm still a small immature kid.. Need others to support me even though I'm the older one.. I'm such a hopeless case..

I'm sorry.. I'm just sorry..