bluecookie.

050312.

2012-03-05T21:12:00.000+08:00

i feel tired, really tired. maybe wednesday.. i feel tired.

reverberation in my head.

2012-01-28T23:38:00.003+08:00

so.. yesterday i was listening to 1989 #1 songs on youtube, and one of the songs in the video is this song below, and then..

THE PUZZLE FITS.

because i had the tune of the chorus of this song in my head since i-don't-know-when, and it was driving me insane because i wanted to know the title of the song, yet i don't have any lyrics to the song. and then yesterday.. voila!

so yay me! yay '80s songs! :D

this embraced affinity. or not.

2012-01-27T03:41:00.003+08:00

it's not even deja-vu anymore; it's plain repetition: getting accepted and having a family, then becoming homeless. how does one gain confidence when everytime, yes everytime, high hopes (just hopes even) are dashed and crumpled like a piece of paper and being thrown away just like that?

then it's better to aim for the second storey, no? at least it won't hurt so much when tha plan fails as compared to aiming for the eighth storey, or even the third storey. one falls harder.

maybe that's why i live by the phrase 'aim lower', because seriously, confidence brings me nowhere.

#angstat3.51am

heightened senses p1.

2012-01-25T01:47:00.005+08:00

it's like poison filled into bubbles flowing undisruptedly in the bloodstream, bursting everytime they brush gently against the inner layer of the tubes.

yet, as the poison seeps into the brain softly, it is treated as a long-lost friend, just waiting to be received as a hero; like a finger prying open stealthily a box containing a land of escapism, where one is simply untouched, where one lives a liberated life, albeit a paradoxically restrained one..

wisps of those pernicious thoughts hover in the air, never disappearing, but intermingled with the air one inhales. it haunts when one is forlorn, knocking lightly, tauntingly, on the locked door which traps one's darkest secrets.

idk what i'm writing, unnnghh sleepy. editing someday.

random bites.

2011-08-13T01:09:00.001+08:00

i said that i wanted to step down, but when she asked me why am i running away from problems, i realised that all these while, maybe i've been too dependent on people around me.

get well soon mum :|

ohnoes.

2011-06-30T00:25:00.003+08:00

craaap why did i go to facebook! crap this is depressing. he didn't say anything about leaving. crap, he didn't even say anything! :(

*le sigh*

just a kiss.

2011-06-08T20:45:00.001+08:00

i just love how charles kelley sings 'tonight'. be still my heart.

group six, fornax!

2011-06-08T01:14:00.003+08:00

i really enjoy being with fornax. i don't think i'll forget the times we shared together throughout the five days spent during camp, like the singing sessions we had during dragonboating session and the night expedition; the hard times we faced together like during the night expedition; etc.

so.. let's sing our fornax song! :D and yes, we did get there in the end as a team, so i'm really proud to be among fifteen amazing teammates, plus our two group instructors.

i love you guys! :)

the second day.

2011-05-17T02:45:00.002+08:00

i'm so weak.
crying is for the weak.
i dread going to school.

it's funny when people ask me why do i look sad. they always see my bright and happy side. i have my down side too.

i don't want to be like this.

2011-04-26T23:25:00.000+08:00

i won't let you close enough to hurt me

marching on.

2011-04-23T00:29:00.003+08:00

i miss
the sound of collective cheering
the sight of a random person running around the hall while carrying the flag
the pain of having sore throats for the next few days (at times it was worth it though)

on thursday our morning conversation was completely about that.
i miss it a lot.

but i'm sure that there's a silver lining behind every cloud..

welcome to my blog, stage five stalkers!

2011-04-13T20:53:00.001+08:00

when you find me.

2011-04-11T23:41:00.002+08:00

why is everyone leaving one by one
i know i can't say don't go
but why can't you stay
i know it's your decision
i know i have no rights to say anything about it
but why
i'll get over this someday but
if heartache was a physical pain i could face it
not now

all the best though.
i hope you'll succeed!
we'll still be bonded by something right!

orange shoelaces.

2011-04-03T06:23:00.002+08:00

i love this feeling. we fit together just like puzzle pieces.

(im)patience.

2011-03-15T22:14:00.003+08:00

i miss you a lot. are we seriously going to meet up only in eight month's time? that's too long..

went to acjc just now for friendly match. hahas i'm lousy. had fun though. the part we planned a doubles strategy was hilarious! i love the journey back home.

gonna go to the gym on monday! i have dangerous (fl)abs!

oh man one more week to start of tournament! one more week to improve.. hopefully? no more fooling around. gonna try to be serious and stay so at least until everything's over, which i hope won't be that early..

heard this song on the radio and fell in love with it instantly..

till then. i guess your letter will be sufficient to fill my empty heart.. for now.

home.

2011-03-10T21:21:00.001+08:00

irregularity in sleeping time..

..sucks.

i'm not just tired.

2011-02-17T19:51:00.002+08:00

the opportunity cost for me right now is time for studying. i think pre-reading is really useful and important as it helps me to understand the lectures better. i think i like econs. it's just the beginning though.

i hate it when i go all quiet. i hate it when i feel small. i hate it when i feel that i'm not good at all. i hate it when i'm lousy. i hate it when i go demoralised and go all depressed and gloomy and maybe that's what's making me look unfriendly and no one wants to get near me.

maybe i should just.. let someone else who is better qualified for the job to do it. it's making me feel useless and lousy. maybe it's because i simply am.

the old me.

2011-02-06T00:00:00.002+08:00

looked at the blog archives and i realised that my life was interesting! posted lots of photos and vented my feelings here. my life used to revolve around volleyball, like seriously. i shall let that remain in the past. used to crap a lot (not like i don't now) and used to post my daily life here. i don't now -- not much anyway.

i'm afraid that i won't talk to alvina anymore in a few months/weeks/days/hours/etc time. even regina said that i emit that aura that i'm not interested in her conversation and i'd just get into deep thoughts and go quiet while the conversation is still ongoing. what if i really.. change.. to become worse? like, what if i forget my friends after finding new ones? especially since we're taking different subjects and we're in different classes/schools..

dudu.

gone.

2011-02-05T11:35:00.000+08:00

now all that's left are memories..

before the storm.

2011-01-09T23:10:00.005+08:00

getting back results at 2pm tomorrow~

i.. don't really feel nervous? am i weird for not feeling nervous? aah maybe i am. but it's like, why should i feel nervous if i feel that i have done my best?

but the thing is, i SHOULD feel nervous because i ~~know~~get the feeling i screwed up the papers..

happy new year..?

2011-01-01T20:44:00.003+08:00

hey 2011.

i already miss 2010. there are still so many words i did not manage to say last year. dandelion said that it's better to fix the relationship early whenever you fall out with your friend, rather than to wait for the relationship to just get sour and irrepairable. there's no way for you to get back together with your friend after a few months, or even weeks. i should have said sorry earlier.

resolutions for this year? Lord_Voldemort7 just tweeted a tweet which goes something like what's the use of making resolutions on new year because when you want to do something, just do it. resolutions make you feel good when you've made some, but what's the use if you don't show them through your actions?

on the last few nights in 2009, i was watching all gayo daejuns devotedly. now, looking back at those days (nights, rather), i realised that i just wasted my time. but i think that if i'm still into kpop this year, i would have watched all the gayo daejuns.

i'll get back to kpop when shinhwa comes back. i want to check all shinhwa updates on omonatheydidnt, but i'm lazy to go there. ahh.

i will stop biting my nails this year.

hesitancy.

2010-12-09T00:27:00.003+08:00

have you ever felt like those words that you want to say are at the very tip of your tongue, yet you just can't seem to say them?

but once they leave your lips..

i need to study!

need you now.

2010-12-02T22:25:00.001+08:00

dude, i'm waiting for you on facebook.

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

beautiful song.

guess i'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all.

playing god.

2010-11-28T21:30:00.003+08:00

Playing God - Paramore

it's like the ringing of bells echoing incessantly in my head.

grenade.

2010-11-22T22:40:00.000+08:00

Grenade - Bruno Mars

youtube

some lines i like from the song:
; take, take, take it all,
but you never give.
; gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash,
you tossed it in the trash, you did.

abusing the 'replay' button again.

water and a flame.

2010-11-21T23:02:00.002+08:00

Water And A Flame - Daniel Merriweather feat. Adele

youtube

kinda abused the 'replay' button.

-

2010-08-20T20:48:00.002+08:00

he says the best words at random times.

posted this video for the song and not the words ._.

farewell.

2010-07-16T02:02:00.002+08:00

find me somewhere else, if you can.

lovelovelove.

2010-07-12T21:18:00.001+08:00

HEARTACHE NOTEBOOK.

:)

2010-07-07T23:35:00.001+08:00

i think i'm one of the luckier people in the world.

she's gone.

2010-07-03T22:16:00.005+08:00

"this heart, it's bad."

i miss ng poh hian.

two more days, to two more years.
ten more days, to forever.

being with kry is my happy drug :)

oh whatever anyone anyone says, it doesn’t matter to me
oh whoever whoever curses me, i’ll only look at you
even when i’m born again, it’s still only you
(still still) even as time goes by

love milk tea.

2010-06-23T02:02:00.002+08:00

living a lie.

miss you.

love ms dragonfly, lol.
seriously, love ms dee for life.

feel like writing to you.

miss you.

miss your hugs, buddy.

miss you.

like you.
love is too strong a word, unless using it when 'love mum' :)

miss ruth and sihui and xueyi and shihan.

miss you.

hate having a song stuck in head, but don't know the song title.

love love love.

2010-06-12T01:07:00.004+08:00

regina's awesome like that 8D

1. went to hortpark (part of it)
southern ridges
henderson waves
2. regina's kind of scared of heights
3. saw four monkeys
tried to pass by them without disturbing them
the small one followed me (walked beside me)
ran while shouting, "it's chasing after me!"
turned around and looked
the monkey was in front of regina
4. i don't like flying insects
5. we went against the 'concentration gradient' (uphill)
6. it's 2-dollar notes, not 2-dollar coins (!)
7. failed jumpshots
8. milk tea is awesome
9. the wind was refreshing
10. the sun loves us
11. saw a couple taking wedding shots
12. going there again in two weeks time~

we're awesome like that.

090610.

2010-06-09T23:14:00.001+08:00

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

now, when i think of it, i feel like laughing because the three of us sang this song so earnestly. then he went, "i'm not a girl, so why am i singing this song?!" i'm amazed at the imagery that he said today, like the quicksand and the exercise book. he's awesome. she's awesome too. she has yet to experience the feeling of having her exercise book having scribbles. right now all the scribbles in her book is about the person with a tortoise (tortoises?). it's useful to have tissue paper with you all the time, because you'll never know when you'll need it. today was such a beautiful mess. i got to know what she thinks of it. i got to know that one side of my earpiece is not functioning. i got to know.. about myself.

rain.

2010-06-05T05:06:00.002+08:00

i'm still waiting.
those words you said, i wonder if you still remember it.

i love the rain.
it makes me feel ambivalent.
like, it can make me feel happy, yet sad at the same time.

ms dragonfly, i hope that your dream will be realised one day.

i want to get drenched.
i miss that feeling.
the feeling like there's only you and the rain in this world.

bittersweet memories about the rain.

i will buy for myself, because it would take so long to wait for you to give me one, so i don't want to get drenched because i'm waiting.
i don't want to wait anymore, but i still want to.
it's useless.
i'm useless.

five years ago..

2010-05-27T00:25:00.003+08:00

feeling down right now.

to charming lucy/congo/miss dee: thanks a lot :)

i'm sorry..

2010-05-20T20:57:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry i made you break..

ah. i don't know if i should post this.
this silence.. it gives me peace.. but it is deafening. it's like, words are just at the tip of the tongue - okay, maybe nowadays they're in the throat, because the urge to speak is lost.. but, ah.
twice.. twice, this mouth has made life different.. to think of it, it's more than twice. i, who thought that people would accept my words.. i, who thought that i was doing justice to people, and for people.. (but seriously, silence is there just because people are scared.)
back to the topic. through this silence, i've learnt a lot of things, and that's basically the best part of everything! :D

i'm really sorry for making you break..

e..mo..

2010-05-15T23:53:00.004+08:00

“i no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe i love her.
love is so short, forgetting is so long.”
- Pablo Neruda

songs: your eyes & coagulation by super junior

the grass is greener on the other side..

2010-05-15T11:56:00.005+08:00

“how loud must i scream
and what words must i use for
you to hear my love?”
- tyler knott gregson

to my fellow kry members: i love you guys ♥♥

stayed back in school yesterday. went to food culture with alvina, shanice, syafiq and yichen yesterday. played the 'f-m-k' game with alvina and shanice 8D got stuck at the traffic light with yichen. interesting people are interesting <3>

sometimes you have to know someone really well to know that you're strangers.. .. ..

i don't really want to let you go :|

you'll never know what i'm talking about.

2010-05-08T03:26:00.005+08:00

i've been thinking a lot about you nowadays. about how last time i used to be so excited to be with you, and with you. a day without you is torturous. you used to be my everything. i wanted to be with you no matter what. i found happiness and sadness when i was with you. you meant everything to me. i used to love you so much. now, you're just nothing. you're just a fragment of the past. but i'm glad that i was ever a part of you, and that you were ever once, a part of me.

song: i don't love you by my chemical romance

to my miss dragonfly..

2010-05-01T18:58:00.005+08:00

i called myself mr mozzie, and so you became ms dragonfly.

we have known each other since last year. before that, we were from different classes. i had never seen you before. even now, i keep thinking whether i had seen you before last year, but the answer is always no. but hey, now we're classmates!

you're very likable and not arrogant, even though you're really smart. you're good in sports too. i think you like pink?, since most of the things on your table is pink.. you're friendly to everyone. you're weird. you accept things easily (like about that thing). you're just plain nice. you're open about a lot of things, until it's hard for me to believe that there are people like you. not that it's a bad thing though. in addition to all that, you're really easy to bully (heehee).

why am i writing this? i'm not sure too, but i just want to say that mr mozzie loves ms dragonfly! mr mozzie treasures ms dragonfly a lot. :)

:D

song: love disease by super junior

choice.

2010-04-24T18:48:00.002+08:00

i really want to do well for amath and bio.

but i'm the type of person who can only concentrate on just one subject and leave the other alone. right now i'm trying my best for amath but i also want to try my best for bio, but it's hard. it's hard when you don't really understand the subject well. i'm scared that i put in all my effort for amath but in the end i still screw it up, hence screwing up both amath and bio. but i really.. need to at least try to do my best for bio.. i have no motivation to do bio at all.

sleepyzzz.

2010-04-24T01:40:00.002+08:00

listening to songs by avril lavigne makes me think of the past, particularly year 2005. i prefer her 'emo' songs to songs like girlfriend, hot etc. avril lavigne~ ^^;

i feel sick of studying.

random four.

2010-04-13T20:52:00.002+08:00

the lines are fading.

-

can't expect you to be there always. this shows that one cannot depend on others.

-

nice people are too nice, that sometimes they become scary. why are they so nice? why are they so forgiving?

-

don't really like the idea of you being with them, i don't know why.

silent invitation.

2010-04-09T02:18:00.003+08:00

nc-16 movies.. let's watch them together.

end.

2010-04-04T23:02:00.001+08:00

everything's falling apart.
nothing lasts forever.

but don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened :)

i would run, i would fly.

2010-03-27T04:33:00.005+08:00

1. i just dreamt the best dream of my life. it was related to the rain.. and something else.
2. i wish i had been there.
3. one can live without facebook.
4. start revision!
5. ms dragonfly rocks :)

idek.

2010-03-25T18:48:00.001+08:00

1. what are we?
2. accept or reject?
3. awkward..
4. 24 more days.

believe.

2010-03-20T00:54:00.001+08:00

this night is blessing the day that we met
the moon is out in the sky and the stars are smiling
i wish that your smile won't be erased as i pray
for these happy days to always continue

-

2010-03-18T00:54:00.001+08:00

what do i want in life?

520131433441814, lol.

2010-03-12T18:44:00.005+08:00

i am already missing you guys.. have a safe trip. love you guys.

go si hui! thanks for the metoo, and the paper :) metoo really looks like you, cannot unsee! *_* ah, my virgin eyes~

today was fun. yeah, i love today. i love people. i love being happy. i love laughing. i love being free. i love being with people i love to be with. i love to have friends. i love you guys♥ i love laughing without thinking. i love laughing without restrictions. i love being high! i love being with people who make me feel happy. i love feeling at peace. i love viva la l1! i love life. i love myself, hopefully. i love..

i just don't like being indecisive. : i hate to have choices. i hate to have choices. i hate to have choices. i hate to have choices. i hate to have choices. i hate to have choices. i hate to have choices. oh well. and i hate being tired mentally. and being negatively empty. and getting affected by people.. i hate thinking about the past, because the present won't change..

sometimes i wish i could think before i say something, because i always say the wrong things when i don't think, like today. hate it hate it hate it.

untitled.

2010-03-11T21:07:00.002+08:00

so i try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered.

:(

2010-03-06T16:01:00.000+08:00

it has been more than a month since i last saw you. everytime i look at the place where we once sat down together, i will think of you. i miss talking to you. you make me feel peaceful. you're a great listener, you know? just with your presence, you make me feel better. where are you now? i hope that you have not forgotten about me. i'm sorry i walked past you the other day. i should have acknowledged you. are you angry because of that? i'm sorry. white cat, i miss you. come back soon. i need someone to talk to. meow.

those few seconds filled up my emptiness.

2010-03-05T23:58:00.002+08:00

hugs♥

talking to you makes me feel positively empty. talking to you makes me say everything out. talking to you makes me feel peaceful. talking to you makes me think of my past mistakes. talking to you makes me view friendship in a new light. talking to you makes me smile :)

you, the happy-go-lucky one. smile too, for life goes on..

♥♥♥

:)

2010-02-28T01:02:00.005+08:00

:|

2010-02-27T03:06:00.001+08:00

hmm.

2010-02-20T20:13:00.002+08:00

when i sleep longer, i seem to be more tired than if i sleep lesser hours :|
so i don't know whether to sleep early or late the night before the study skills workshop :|

either way i will still end up being sleepy, so i shall sleep for 6 hours the night before :)

:D

2010-02-12T18:15:00.004+08:00

thank you ruth, shihan, shulei, xueyi etc for the random stuffs~

cny celebration and cip just now. the girls who sang nobody sounded great. cip this year got more boring, oh well.

met up with regina and eehua after that. eehua became MULOML and regina's MLOML xD rings <3 thanks for everything :)

expecting something here?
surprise surprise!
there's nothing here~
xD

extra thanks to ruth, thanks :)

also, last year was too peaceful, so this year shall be the year yea.

2010-02-12T02:55:00.002+08:00

in a moment everything can change.

saying that word won't change anything, so i'm not going to say it. or maybe i should. i'm sorry. you all would probably think that what's said cannot be unsaid, what's done cannot be undone. just want you to know that.. never mind.

forcing people to go when one does not want to.. not blaming anyone but.

fine i deserve it okay so goodbye and hope to see you someday

rain, rain~

2010-02-06T00:00:00.002+08:00

walked and ran in the rain (under the umbrella~) carrying boxes of oranges with shihan :D i made it wet though, sorry! and sorry about the money too :x (thanks xueyi!) eileen and jason helped too, thanks~ thank you shihan for everything ^^

sandcastle building later! hopefully it doesn't rain!

flash.

2010-02-03T23:49:00.004+08:00

time passes so fast. on monday i was wishing for weekends to arrive, and today it's already wednesday. just like o levels eh? right now there's 35 weeks to go, and soon the start of o levels is ~tomorrow~ /shudders at the thought

just want to say i love yesterday morning ^^; thank you for listening~

2010-01-30T15:54:00.004+08:00

i want to cry, but i can't, because i'm strong, supposedly. i don't want to cry because it makes me look weak. i went with little confidence. at least there's still confidence in me. when it ended, there's nothing left in me. confidence is supposed to bring everyone anywhere they want to, but when i feel confident, it brings me nowhere. when i feel confident about something, nothing works. when i feel confident, i fall down harder. i get hurt more. for me, i would rather have no confidence than feel so confident about something and then realise that, hey you're lousy, you were confident about this? you're so confident, yet you fail. you are a failure. heh, confident? confidence, my foot. i fell down hard today. it hurts. i should have gone to another school. people in other schools do so much better than me, when i'm supposed to be in the 'better' school. now, i would rather be a fish in a small pond alone rather than be a fish in a big pond and there are other fishes. you might be thinking, heh, you passed, so shut up about being lousy, because i failed, but it hurts when you're supposedly the better one, and supposed to at least be doing fine, but you're still lousy. you think you can do it but it turns out that you are not much better than other people. having no confidence brings me nowhere, but having confidence brings me nowhere too, so why should i have confidence when i know i can't do it when i thought that i can do it but in the end i realise that i can't do it and it hurts because i thought i can do it but it turns out that i can't? they say some people don't deserve to be in pure sciences, and yes i know i am one of them. this is demoralising.

nine.

2010-01-30T01:38:00.003+08:00

everyone knows where to go after this.
i don't know where to go from here.
i don't know what to do.
i don't know what i am capable of.
i'm floating around aimlessly.

firsts.

2010-01-24T22:30:00.001+08:00

first meetings are always awkward.
..
but she's nice ^^;

ah, feels so empty.

organising thoughts.

2010-01-23T00:01:00.004+08:00

1. my class starts next week and not tomorrow. (hooray!)
2. i really miss primary school life.
3. we should save energy by using the fans instead of the air-conditioners.
4. i love our class board! (thanks to ruth!)
5. i get jealous very easily.
6. i was very bad in the past.
7. common test was just the beginning.
8.
i like this! it's drawn by ruth. (applause!)

yummy yum yum.

2010-01-20T20:03:00.001+08:00

SUSHI~
so full. crab, egg, corn~

shall go there again one day ^^

2010-01-18T23:32:00.001+08:00

stop. bugging. me.

bits and pieces

2010-01-17T19:46:00.002+08:00

i'm not good in english. i'm also not good in malay (as seen in the o level result), and right now (or rather, since the start of this year), i find it really hard to write down my thoughts in either english or malay. can't find the right words to use, right tone to use, right phrases to use..

to think of it, i didn't set any resolutions for this year. i.. can't think of any. should have set some goals, because i find life without a goal to work towards to.. aimless. you're just like, following the flow.. and.. drifting away without knowing where you're going.. (that took me some effort to find the right words to type..)

right now i'm aimless.. they say, self-discipline, self-discipline, self-discipline! self-discipline.. self-discipline.. (can't think of the right words to type..)

..

(i posted this whole chunk at the wrong blog just now, >.<)

s-m-i-l-e~

2010-01-16T17:12:00.002+08:00

just want to say that i love ss exams hehehe

kfc, library, mcdonalds yesterday. at first it felt awkward (at least, to me) then gradually i loosened up and everyone loosened up too i guess. borrowed a midsummer night's dream comic book hehehe, jolie found it though. weishi's obsessed with holly's inbox and found the secret by flipping to random pages hehehe

lovelovelove

hello world.

2010-01-03T19:41:00.002+08:00

goodbye fantasy world, welcome back to reality.

school starts tomorrow, and i'm hyper! maybe because i get the feeling i'll get scolded on the first day of school or something, so i'm hyper now and get scolded tomorrow or something. okay i'm crazy now.

too hyper~~~~!!!!

LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA

2010-01-01T01:08:00.000+08:00

this new year.. i'm feeling sad.

run.

2009-12-24T03:54:00.002+08:00

will be back on the 27th~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~happy holidays everyone~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

13+2.

2009-12-21T22:05:00.002+08:00

so numb

the feeling's just like last year
holding on to nothing
kept hoping that it didn't happen
saying that when morning comes
everything will be fine

the feeling's just like last year
even when morning came
everything rushes into mind
what had happened
did it really happen
it did happen

so numb
so speechless

the feeling's just like last year
except now it's worse
feeling so numb
angry?
sad?
depressed?

many more words to describe the feeling
but one word
blank

the numb feeling
it feels worse than crying
all you feel is blank
don't even know which emotion to show

so numb..
i wish i can scream everything out
i want to run till i collapse
cry till it feels empty

even so
doing that doesn't change the fact

so i'll just

hope

for now

i'll hold back everything
and keep on hoping that it isn't true..

-

2009-12-17T23:46:00.003+08:00

so emotionally attached to you.
wasn't like that to the previous one.
maybe had too many memories with the previous one.
but none with you.
couldn't bear to let you go.
feeling so empty now.
hopefully you'll be in safe hands..

come back safely..

..just realised that at times my fourth finger becomes shorter than usual.
or something like that.

..

2009-12-15T02:04:00.002+08:00

calendar.

2009-12-12T23:57:00.001+08:00

looked at the calendar..
2010.. 2011..

..2011.

where will i be
can it still last
will i forget us

will i regret..

okay random but:
UGH SEOUL'D OUT TODAY T-T

words.. word?

2009-12-11T01:08:00.002+08:00

..one word is enough sometimes..

time.

memories.

2009-12-05T01:00:00.002+08:00

well.

a train zoomed past.
there were people waving flags.
tried to see what flags they are.
but couldn't.
some caught my attention.

for some reason i can't get them out of my head.

this sums up my title for this post.
i guess.

fireworks.

2009-12-01T22:14:00.002+08:00

i see fireworks above my head.
so bright..
they get brighter everytime i think about it.

*giggles*

ah, so many fireworks~

reading?

2009-11-25T01:25:00.004+08:00

will be away~

..but will be back before anyone realises that i was even gone in the first place.
^-^

early selamat hari raya haji..
one less person..
..
.
.
.
wish i had visited more
now's too late to regret
all that's left are beautiful memories..

smileee.

2009-11-23T17:35:00.001+08:00

so precious.

laughing over this show senselessly.. lol.

dead at heart.

2009-11-22T23:41:00.002+08:00

appreciate.
hug.
apologise.
smile.
laugh.
jump.
scream.
wave.

..appreciate.

songs.. affect my thoughts.

random post is random.

2009-11-22T22:59:00.005+08:00

1: i'll say 'yes', and you'll say 'no'.
unknown: do you want chilli sauce?
1 and 2 look at each other.
1: (torn between saying 'yes' or 'no') uh, yes.. no!..
2: (doesn't care about saying 'no') yes, chilli sauce!
1: you're supposed to say 'no'!

..okay i'm done being random D:

life.. stuffs.

2009-11-22T14:36:00.002+08:00

Sorry, Sorry.. presses button.. reads.. presses back button..
throws phone on the bed.
thinks.. the answer is always 'No'.
no.. there's no use.
no.. there won't be any 'lasts'.
no.. let it continue..

the old hall, jumps.
questions, black.
dim.
heartbeat, fast.
..thankful.

for some reason, today feels like after eoy.
no, after a particular eoy paper.

..falling to the ground after missing the clouds.

even for one minute and one second.

2009-11-18T18:22:00.001+08:00

i just jumped.

and it never felt better.

'what ifs' shouldn't exist.

2009-11-17T00:51:00.007+08:00

it's currently 12.50am.
i'm currently squatting against my bed while typing this.
it's currently raining.

i wish i had been braver,
wiser, more decisive,
less reckless.

i wish i am more open.
..and braver.

i keep saying i would prove myself to people,
and i keep getting my hopes too high,
and people lose hope in me,
and i lose hope in myself,
and everyone loses hope in each other....

snap, bang, flash, scream, blacks out..
you'll never know.
treasure every breath you take..
everything you have now..
all the time now..
you might be gone even before you know it.

currently my legs are tired from squatting.
i'm going to sleep..
will i get to see the sunlight later

this sucks, i'm not posting what i really want to post.

one love.

2009-11-15T00:24:00.003+08:00

want to start a sentence,
but it will always contain
these words 'used to' in it.

used to be like this.
used to be like that.

just want to say,
appreciate silence.

..the point?

just..

2009-11-09T10:34:00.001+08:00

live life.

observes..

2009-11-03T20:30:00.001+08:00

i feel happy when you are happy.

maybe, this is what i'm supposed to feel all these while?
i should have known.

did you hear me whisper?

untitled.

2009-11-01T19:40:00.002+08:00

the other night, i dreamt that you, one of the many friends i really treasure, hurt me. now i don't know what to think. everytime i see you, i keep thinking about what am i to you. i know i'm just paranoid, but i can't help it..

i find comfort in you, but i don't trust myself. for some reason i also don't trust you.. everytime i talk to you i will think of how you view me. even though you said that, my heart knows that you see me as that person you know me as..

goodbye.. i'll find my way. being too dependant kills.. me.

library.

2009-10-29T23:00:00.002+08:00

tempted, but.. nah.
at the tip of my tongue, but..
..still nah.

soon maybe, but most probably?
..never..

evil, i know.
*hehehehehs*

to the 'unchosen one' xD:
thanks for the treat~

appreciation.

2009-10-28T20:48:00.003+08:00

rode the bicycle in the rain today.
my skirt was threatening to fly up, had to hold it >.<
raindrops falling on my face, went against the cold wind.

had great time with you and the bicycle!
shahidah and i were crazy trying to figure out who cycles and who sits behind.
in the end, she cycled~
hahas, so fun~
thanks for the wonderful ride~

actually made this post for you..
someone approachable, so innocent.
blur? pure? you're just.. haha, indescribable.
..cute. ^-^

someone who's neutral, was and still is.
cares about friendship.. more than..
..being friends with someone Weird.

smiles and advice.
so helpful, and too helpful.
but i appreciate it. n_n

thank you for being willing;
for everything;
for viewing Weird as Normal;
for being.. understanding,
..caring, kind..
..may be boring adjectives, but they describe you.. :)

my friend.. my buddy..
52013143344184.

♥

while sitting on the swing..

2009-10-25T17:34:00.004+08:00

so random.. but i like it. :D

lol, all four of us in the photo are in different classes now. didn't remember that i was in this photo.. plus i miss my white watch.. during last year's cheering competition finals, everyone was so high, me included! better times back then..

2009-10-22T20:22:00.005+08:00

STUPIDUSELESSHOPELESSRETARDEDPISSEDOFFDISGUSTEDIRRITATEDFUNNY
IRONICBOTTLINGUPWANTTOSCREAMEVERYTHINGINSIDECANNOTLETITOUTNO
USELAZYNOHOPECRAZYIRRITATEDPISSEDOFFTRIGGERFACTORINSIDENOT
OUTSIDECHAINEDUPNOFREEDOMPISSEDSCREAMRUNWINDFLYNOWINGSNOHOPE
ALONEDARKROOMPISSEDIRRITATEDGIVEUPNOHOPESCREAMRUNFLYFALLPAIN
HURTPISSEDWOUNDOPENCLOSEINSIDEPISSEDIRRITATEDIRONICFUNNY
LAUGHTERRETARDEDFALLENDIECUTTHROWSCREAMSHOUTRUNBREAKBLEEDNO
MOODBREAKRUNTRIPFALLBULLETSHOOTNOPAINHURTSHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*throws any electronic device nearby to the wall*

so.

2009-10-17T20:16:00.002+08:00

some people are just.. insensitive. :/

anyways, EOY is over.
the next big thing is next year!

it seems like yesterday i just got to know my classmates.
oh how time flies.
kind of sad that i still don't know everyone well yet, even after a year.
but some people are really likeable.

really.

like the one who calls herself the 'smartest' (she is though :|), ms dragonfly, the one who draws hamsters, the two people who keeps reading chinese storybooks, my kry gang..
.. great people.

however..
there's now a big gap between us, at least, to me.
you are (were? :/) my everything, the first people i would turn to if i need anything..
should i say goodbye?
i don't want to, but at times i feel like doing it..
..

i hate this.

anyways, enjoy this mini-break people.
stay out of trouble :D

jsyk.

2009-09-26T12:27:00.002+08:00

okay, blog dead.

not bothering to update as often, because what's there to update about if everything i'm going to update on is about.. no happy stuffs?

oh, and i think i have 3 clarisses in my life. and that's random.

this song.

2009-09-08T23:29:00.000+08:00

haven't posted for a long time :|

had headache just now, like, in the afternoon. just the after-effect of doing something for straight four hours. right now i don't really have motivation to do anything much, but i felt guilty for not doing homework on sunday and monday :| plus i can't even finish the first exercise, when others have finished everything :|

i really need this week.

*

0809. suddenly i miss playing hide-and-seek at the old campus, and playing spoiler, and having water bashes, and seeing trees almost everywhere.

anyways, keep the faith. 5 will remain 5, and 7 will remain 7, no matter what.

7 years of love.

2009-08-30T18:11:00.000+08:00

290809: literature seminar at nanyang girls' high school.

the dramas were interesting. well, almost everything was. i went crazy yesterday. played with the swing and found the school pond with ruth during one of the breaks. took pictures together with 7 other people, or maybe 6 other people and 1 ghost. the ri jokes were lame, and i can't believe i laughed at the jokes. took the bus back with 3 people.

okay i'm not sure why i'm not mentioning names. so the people are sihui, charis, alvina, xueyi, shihan, ruth and yisi. the day was tiring. almost 9 hours of literature on a weekend. gosh. i managed to survive through that.

overall it was fun! :D *coughs coughs*

11 to sjm2, 10 to 15, 2 to hopefully 11.

the mission.

2009-08-23T15:27:00.000+08:00

"I don't know anything any more," he said, and let a sleep lozenge dissolve on his tongue.

would do anything to get unlimited amount of sleep lozenges..
overdosing will be great..
so fake.. so fake.. everything's so fake..
what's the use of crying and wailing and crying again and regretting now?
too much hatred in me..
i don't know..
go, and never come back.
knives.
ah yes, blood..
facing worse nightmares everytime..
smiles are so fake..
laughing is so fake..
smiles not reaching the eyes at all..

the ten people.. i realised that slowly, i'm finding reasons to avoid..
keeping to yourself is still the best..

want to fly..
even in dreams, i can't fly..
want peace?
can't even find anywhere to get it..
jinmei's state of zen..
should ask her to teach me some day..
fly..
fly..

drive beetles, hit animals, drive at high speed, laugh at clowns cutting of each other's limbs, children killing each other, talk about nothing - "swell!"..
makes me feel like living in the world of fahrenheit 451.

the whole point of this is..

2009-08-09T03:32:00.000+08:00

070809, an unforgettable day.
the day i got crappy in the morning in class (wasn't the only one though ;p).
the day almost everyone got high, and high meaning, really high.
the day i enjoyed myself after a long time (not that long).
the day i didn't fake my actions.

also..
the day i discovered how freedom felt, seriously.
the day i felt like i could fly (fine, i'm just exaggerating).
the day i smiled and laughed.
the day i simply felt free! (^-^)

but, oh wells. it was also..
the day i got to know about why the money which i was saving was disappearing.
the day i got to know that i did not count wrongly.

and i just want to say this.
damn you, seriously.