I shouldn't have trained yesterday.
I should not have trained yesterday.
I should not have done anything at all yesterday.

Just now, when I was sitting by the kitchen window, looking at the sky while eating, my mum approached me, and so I told her that the pain is here again. I couldn't answer the question that she asked me when I told her that.

"(in Malay) You played volleyball yesterday, right?"

I kept quiet.

If I had opened my mouth, I would have answered,
"Yes, I did. I tried out rolling backwards, and I got so agitated when I could not do it, and I kept trying and trying, even though I could feel the pain.

I ran and ran even though it was just after lunch and at that time, only my stomach got cramps, and so I didn't think much about the running part, as it didn't give me chest pain, even though a few minutes later after I had stopped running I could feel it coming.

I played ball and I did service, which I have known from the start (or should I say, since last year) that it can sometimes give me chest pain. Even though I felt it when I did service, I did not care and continued, aiming for better services everytime, even though it cost my health.

Overall, yes, I did train, indirectly."

I didn't though. I just continued eating, and I feel that I have really let her down. Making her worried about the stubborn me.

But I really don't know how to resist myself from playing volleyball. Even as I'm posting right now, I'm planning to try out backrolling. Gah. I'm also planning to serve at least 20 f~ balls during whatever training, or playing ball. I guess I'll have the pain everyday then.





Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you.