i want to cry, but i can't, because i'm strong, supposedly. i don't want to cry because it makes me look weak. i went with little confidence. at least there's still confidence in me. when it ended, there's nothing left in me. confidence is supposed to bring everyone anywhere they want to, but when i feel confident, it brings me nowhere. when i feel confident about something, nothing works. when i feel confident, i fall down harder. i get hurt more. for me, i would rather have no confidence than feel so confident about something and then realise that, hey you're lousy, you were confident about this? you're so confident, yet you fail. you are a failure. heh, confident? confidence, my foot. i fell down hard today. it hurts. i should have gone to another school. people in other schools do so much better than me, when i'm supposed to be in the 'better' school. now, i would rather be a fish in a small pond alone rather than be a fish in a big pond and there are other fishes. you might be thinking, heh, you passed, so shut up about being lousy, because i failed, but it hurts when you're supposedly the better one, and supposed to at least be doing fine, but you're still lousy. you think you can do it but it turns out that you are not much better than other people. having no confidence brings me nowhere, but having confidence brings me nowhere too, so why should i have confidence when i know i can't do it when i thought that i can do it but in the end i realise that i can't do it and it hurts because i thought i can do it but it turns out that i can't? they say some people don't deserve to be in pure sciences, and yes i know i am one of them. this is demoralising.